Doctor have you anything for flat feet.............Yes- a foot pump Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a kangaroo...... ....Nonsense - just hop off home and take these tablets Doctor doctor I feel like billiard ball.....Go to the end of the cue Doctor doctor I feel like a cup of tea......Sit down and don't stir Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains....... .......Come on man pull yourself together Doctor doctor have you got anything for athlete's feet........... .....Yes, a pair of training shoes Doctor doctor I've got terrible wind, what can I do?............ .........Here have a kite Doctor doctor I was playing my mouth organ and accidentallyswallowed it..          ...Look on the bright side, you could have playing a piano Doctor doctor I've got terrible diarrhoea...Yes it runs in your family Doctor doctor I feel like a ball of string............Well get knotted Doctor doctor people keep ignoring me..................Next please! Doctor doctor I think I'm invisible......................Who said that? Doctor doctor how do I stand?...............That's what puzzles me Doctor doctor I've lost my memory........When did this happen?... ..........When did what happen? Doctor doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar...........Pull the other one! Doctor doctor I think I'm going to die.......... ...Nonsense, that's the last thing you are going to do Doctor doctor I can't pronounce the letter 'f' and 't'........ ...........Well, you can't say "fairer than that" Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a cat..... .....How long have you felt like this?............Since I was a kitten Doctor doctor my son has swallowed my pen.What should I do?... .........Use a pencil till I get there Doctor doctor my son has swallowed some money. What should I do?....                        .... Nothing, but ring me if there is any change Doctor doctor I've swallowed a spoon.......Sit there and don't stir Doctor doctor I can't sleep. What should I do?...........               .....Sit on the edge of the bed till you will soon drop off Doctor doctor I snore so loudly that I keep myself awake..... ......Try sleeping in another room then Doctor doctor will this ointment cure my spots?.... .......I never make rash promises Doctor doctor I've only got 59 seconds to live.......... ........it down and I will deal with you in a minute Doctor doctor I feel like and old sock.............Well I'll be darned Doctor doctor I feel like a bell.........Go home and give me a ring Doctor doctor what do you do for water on the brain.. ........Try a tap on the head Doctor doctor I feel like a cricket ball........................Howsthat? Doctor doctor I think I am shrinking.. .........well you will have to be a little patient Doctor doctor I feel like a bridge.......What's come over you?.....                 ...2 busses , one lorry , 3 cars and a man on a bicycle Doctor doctor I keep stealing things............ ..Here take these pills. If they don't help bring me back a video recorder Doctor doctor my hair keeps falling out can you give me something for it.... .............Here have this paper bag Doctor doctor I keep thinking I am a ten pound note...... ....Go shopping you need the change Doctor doctor I'm at death's door.....Don't worry I'll pull you through Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a goat..... ...How long have you been like this?........since I was a kid Doctor doctor I feel like a strawberry....Well you are in a jam aren't you? Doctor doctor can you help me out?.....Yes, which way did you come in? Doctor doctor do you think I need glasses............ ........You certainly do - this is the post office Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a doorknob.... ....Now don't fly off the handle Doctor doctor is it serious.......... .....Well I wouldn't start reading any long books if I were you Doctor doctor I feel like a bird......... ...........Perch over there and I will tweet you in a minute Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a fly....... .........Come down off the ceiling and we'll talk about it Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a dumpling..... ....Now don't get into a stew Doctor doctor I've swallowed a film.............Lets see what develops Doctor doctor my brother thinks he's a lift.............. ....Well bring him in.......I can't he doesn't stop at this floor Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a puppy....... ...Sit down and tell me about it.....I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture Doctor doctor I think there are two of me......... ........I'm afraid I can only see you one at a time Doctor doctor I just can't stop my hand shaking... ..Do you drink a lot?....No I keep spilling most of it Doctor doctor Can I have a second opinion?.... ....Of course, come back and see me tomorrow! Doctor doctor I feel like a biscuit.... .....You mean like like the square ones you put cheese on? .....Yes yes doctor ...........Oh you're crackers! Doctor doctor I feel like a doorbell....... ...............take two pills and give me a ring Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a cowboy..... ................how long have you felt like this ..about a yeeeeehaaah! Doctor doctor it hurts when I do this....... ...........well then don't do it Doctor doctor I broke my leg in two places ......then stay out of those places Doctor doctor some days I feel like a teepee other days I feel like a wigwam .................sit down you're two tents Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it! Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache. Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday? Doctor doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.... ........How do you feel? .........A little down in the mouth Patient - "Doctor Doctor - I think I've been biten by a vampire" Doctor - "Drink this glass of water" Patient - "Will it make me better?" Doctor - "No, but I'd be able to see if your neck leaks" Patient -"Doctor Doctor, when I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet, why is this?" Doctor - "Cause your feet ain't empty!"